Men in Red
by Peaceful Poison
Summary: Alucard from Hellsing, Dante from Devil May Cry, and Vincent from Final Fantasy VII form a super team to take back the night...and wear nifty red clothes.
1. Meeting at Nibelheim

It had been yet another quiet night for Dante. Then, as always seemed to happen to him, he was sent on a mission by a woman, to some town he had never heard of. "Nibelham," or something like that. He had been relaxing when she strolled through his door, acting like she owned the place. He had expected that much...she was British, and British broads always acted like they owned the world. The difference with her is that she had an air like she actually did. And she was wearing men's clothes.

"Dante, I presume?" She had said.

"That's me." He replied. "What do you want?"

"I hear you deal with the supernatural. Am I correct?"

"Almost." He grinned. This was turning out interesting after all. "I only deal with the demonic." He would take the job anyway, but he had to play with her head, let her know that he was still in charge.

"Good enough. You will find that this particular job pays splendidly." If she hadn't had his attention before, she got it now.

"How much?"

"Half a million, at least. Maybe more."

"Done." He was sold. But there had to be a catch. "There are a lot of them, aren't there?"

"Loads." She stated, bluntly. "But rest assured, you won't be working alone. I've sent my associate as well. You two should get along quite well. You are very similar."

"Okay, you've got me. Just one thing, though...I'll need a name, babe." He said.

"My name is Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing. You would do well to simply call me Sir Hellsing."

"Uh, okay..." Dante was pretty sure by now that she was a lesbian or something. "And who is this associate of yours?"

"His name is Alucard." She replied. Alucard...the name sounded familiar somehow, and strangely threatening.

"I guess I'll be on my way, then." He said.

"Very good. Remember the town is called 'Nibelheim.' Oh, and Dante?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not a lesbian." And then she was gone.

To Alucard, this Nibelheim seemed quiet. A bad quiet. A deadly quiet. There was a sinister air about the place. People had died here, the wrong way. He could almost smell the remains of a fire from years ago, but it could have been his imagination. He had been given permission to use any means necessary to complete his mission, so as an extra precaution, his hat and glasses had long been removed. His shadowy hair seemed to take on a life of its own in the night. He surveyed the town. It was a quaint little place. It had a Germanic feel, but it was nowhere near Germany, he was pretty sure. The only real defining feature of the village was a huge mansion. Something about that mansion unsettled him. He slipped his arms out of his coat and let it hang loose on his shoulders. He wasn't going to take any chances. He needed to be quick. He needed to be violent. He needed to be quiet. Suddenly, the roar of a motorcycle shattered his hopes of a covert operation. He had been spotted, and in the worst way. He whipped around, his guns already in his hands. His unique guns. His white gun and his black gun. There were no other guns in the world like them...except for the ones pointed at him. The cyclist was aiming back, with identically-colored guns. What trickery was this? The cyclist then lowered his weapons.

"...Alucard?" He asked.

"That's me. You must be Dante." He lowered his own pistols, slightly embarassed. An outside observer would have thought the two longtime partners. They were wearing long red coats. Dante's white hair contrasted with Alucard's black, shifty hair. They had, of course, heard of one another before. They were famous in their arts. They regarded one another with the highest respect. With their abilities, no force on Earth, or in Heaven or Hell could stop them. Or so one would have thought. All at once, several holes tore open in reality. Inhuman...things spilled out of them in hordes. In less than an instant, Alucard and Dante had their guns drawn and were blowing pieces off of the monsters. No matter how many they killed, however, the things kept coming. As the distance between the hunters and the monsters closed, Dante drew his blade, and Alucard tore them apart with his teeth and hands. Neither wanted to resort to their alternate forms, at least not yet. They needed help, fast.

Several stories underground, in a locked room filled with coffins, there was a thump. The occupant of the coffin in the middle of the room was very disturbed. Vincent flung the top off of it and floated swiftly, but gently, out and perched on the edge. Something had happened to awake him. Something was going on above. He reached back into his coffin and pulled out his triple-barreled revolver, Cerberus. He then took on the form of his crimson cape and swept out of the room and up, out of the mansion. He zig-zagged between the monstrosities swarming outside, firing intermittent blasts from somewhere inside of his supernatural cloak, and joined the two men in the center.

"Good evening." He said as he blasted one of the things in half. "I am Vincent Valentine, and I'm here to help." The three of them continued to make short work of the first few waves before they caught a small break.

"Vincent Valentine of the Turks?" Asked Dante.

"Not anymore." He replied. "But yes, that is me."

"Yeah I've heard of you. Impressive stuff." Dante said.

"Didn't you have a part in stopping the destruction of the world a couple years ago?" asked Alucard.

"Well...maybe. I guess that depended on who was playing." replied Vincent. Then the next wave came.

"Gentlemen." Announced Alucard, his coat shifting into a sort of leather straitjacket, "I think it's time we got serious with these things."

"Agreed." Said Dante, wings sprouting from his back. Vincent said nothing, his face now transformed into a white mask.


	2. The White Team Has Problems

It was a very good thing that Nibelheim had been abandoned for so many years. The combined energy of Dante's demon form, Alucard's fully unshackled power, and Vincent's Hellmasker transformation had been sufficient to level the town and the surrounding two-mile radius. On a positive note, however, the monsters had stopped coming, at least for the time being. The three took the time to consider their situation.

"So…" began Vincent, "Do either of you have any idea what those things are, or who sent them?" Both shook their heads.

"I believe we have the answer to that question," came a gruff, deep voice from nearby. The three turned to see two strange looking men coming toward them. The one who spoke built like a tank and was ashen white, save for a spiraling red tattoo that wound about his chest, arm, and bald head. He wore a ripped toga around his waist and a black goatee on his chin. He had two strange blades chained to his arm. His every fiber of being dripped confidence, masculinity, and brutality.

His partner, too, was powerfully built. His skin had the gray cast and leathery texture of an old corpse, and was criss-crossed with age-old scars and symbolic tattoos. A particularly prominent one in the shape of an odd blade rested on his shoulder. He wore a loincloth and plenty of bandages, accented with the bones of some ancient beast, whose spine he had wrapped over his shoulder. He was not bald, but rather had a great shock of dreadlocks sprouting from his head. He carried an enormous, stylized axe on his back, and a blade resembling his tattoo hung at his side. Despite his stature and obvious battle experience, he seemed unsure of himself, perhaps even confused.

"We think," continued the first man, "That someone somewhere is opening up dimensional holes."

"…and?" prodded Dante after a momentary pause.

"…and releasing monsters," the man added, with the same sort of disdain normally reserved for the clueless, as if it should have been obvious.

"So let me get this straight," Alucard remarked, "Your theory for this mess is that someone somewhere is opening dimensional holes and releasing monsters?"

"That's what I said."

"Great," said Alucard with more than a hint of sarcasm, "Thanks for being so informative."

"Who are you?" asked Vincent, changing subject to avoid needless fighting.

"My name's Kratos," said the first man, "I am the greatest warrior the world has ever seen."

"And you are?" Vincent asked the second man.

"He doesn't have a name," Kratos explained. Then, for the first time, the second man spoke.

"Just call me the Nameless One." His voice was deep and gravelly, as if his throat was coated in grave dust.

"Were you two sent on a mission here, too?" Dante asked.

"We were sent to a city just north of here, called Onett," explained the Nameless One, "And there used to be three of us."

"Our third man," Kratos continued, emphasizing the title with extreme disdain, "Stayed in Onett to help with some last minute healing. I say we should have let the bystanders die."

"Our third man," the Nameless One retaliated, "Was a much better person than you. He could have killed you. I wish now he would have."

"He said himself he was a pacifist."

The two continued to bicker, and Dante, Alucard, and Vincent all agreed silently to leave them to their devices and go elsewhere.

"Well," said Vincent when they had gotten sufficiently far away, "That plot point went nowhere." Then another dimensional hole opened up in front of them, and they got busy.


	3. Test Your Might

Dante, Alucard, and Vincent kept their weapons trained on the new hole that had opened up. For several agonizing minutes, absolutely nothing happened. Still, in spite of the obvious lack of activity, the three warriors stayed their ground, keeping any advantage they might have. Finally, Dante's impatience got the best of him.

"If there's not objection, I'm going to go ahead and shoot into the hole," he said. Vincent shrugged his response and Alucard only grinned. Several gunshots cracked the silence of the night, leaving ripples in the portal to mark their entry. The three anxiously awaited retaliation.

They did not wait long.

A blur of motion exploded out of the hole, burying itself in Dante's throat. He clutched his wound, blood streaming through his fingers and down his chest, splattering the ground. Most of a large, knife-like object protruded from the back of his neck, seemingly connected to a heavy rope that extended into the portal.

"Does it hurt?" teased Alucard.

"It's not that bad," rasped Dante in reply, gurgling through mouthfuls of blood.

"I think I've got a potion somewhere…" started Vincent, but Dante cut him off with a shake of the head. He grasped the rope in his hands and began tugging. He made little progress when an angry voice cried out from within the portal, "Get over here!" and at that, Dante was yanked into the hole. Moments later, he rocketed out, and landed hard several yards from the portal. The knife had been removed and the wound it had made was curiously non-existent, but rivers of blood poured out of his quickly swelling nose.

"What was that?" asked Vincent.

"What happened over there?" Alucard added.

"Hell…" replied Dante, "It looked like hell. There was a yellow ninja…he pulled me close with that spear of his and then landed an uppercut," he paused to spit out some blood, "He hit me harder than I've ever been hit before. Hey, did either of you guys hear someone say 'Toasty?'"

The others could only shake their heads in response. Without warning, fire rose from the ground, searing Dante's skin with a series of sickening crackling sounds. A yellow and black blur flew out of the portal, and connected with Dante's head. In that brief instant, Alucard and Vincent could make out the form of a demonic ninja, clad in black and yellow from head to foot, save for his bare arms. He was completely airborne, and his foot was solidly connected with the side of Dante's face. Blood trickled from several bullet wounds in his chest. His white eyes were filled with hate and anger. His demeanor dripped with killing intent.

The collision of the kick sent Dante flying back even further, tumbling head over heels through the scorched earth, trailing an obscene amount of blood. He began woozily rising to his feet when another roped spear thudded deep into his chest.

"Come here!" roared the ninja, yanking on the rope and forcing Dante to comply. He flew just above the ground into another one of the ninja's meteoric uppercuts. Dust flew up from the ground as he landed again, rolling onto his side and coughing up more blood than humanly possible. He rose to his feet, but his will to fight had left completely. The mighty Dante could only stand limply, his mind screaming for the sweet release of death. The words "Finish him!" echoed through the smoking wasteland. The sky visibly darkened as the ninja reached for his mask, pulling it back to reveal a skull, its mouth full of flame. Without warning, Alucard backhanded the ninja, laying him flat on the ground, sparing Dante's life. The ninja angrily pulled his mask back on, taking on human features once again and sprung to his feet.

"What the hell are you doing? You cannot interfere with mortal kombat!" he screamed in an indignant rage. Dante shook his head and was surprised to find that he forgot what he was just thinking. He nonchalantly wiped the blood from his nose and, drawing his sword, approached his adversary. The blade crackled electricity in anticipation of the pain to be delivered. Vincent produced a glowing green orb from within his robe and held it against his forearm, where it seemingly fused into his body. He held his arms toward the ninja, and swirling energy wrapped around him, binding his arms and forcing him to the ground.

"Who are you and why did you attack us?" asked Dante, his sword point pressed against the ninja's throat.

"I am Scorpion. I attacked you because you attacked me first," he replied.

"What about before then? Why did you send those monsters here?" Alucard asked.

"Monsters?" replied Scorpion, confused.

"We were assaulted by a horde of monsters that came from portals similar to the one you came here by," clarified Vincent.

"I really don't know anything about that. I created that portal here to escape my home realm," Scorpion explained.

"Why would you want to do that?" Dante pried, still not convinced of his attacker's innocence.

"I was trying to escape a horrific monster that was chasing me. I can still hear its cries, like electric death…" Scorpion replied, his damning voice cracking in terror.

"Well, this might not be the best time to tell you this, but that portal is still open," said Vincent.

"Let me go so I can close it! Quickly, before that thing gets through!" Scorpion began screaming, thrashing against his magical restraints. Alucard walked over to Scorpion, holding something. He lowered it allow Scorpion a better look.

"Is this what you were talking about?" he teased. Scorpion looked up toward the bright yellow rabbit-like creature in Alucard's grip.

"Pika?" it asked.


End file.
